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︎︎︎ Let me go back


Secondhand doors, Dremel, Milling Machine, Gouges, Nails, Engraving Pen, Lead, Coffee, Video, Sound
About 250 x 250

'Voor de Zekerheid dat Alles Goed Zit' is a work about my recovery from a sexually abusive relationship.

When that relationship ended, I had to start all over again; find a new house, find new furniture, find new clothes, find myself. Slowly I found these things back, yet the only thing I was not able to make mine again was my own room.

In my own room I could not be present. I did absolutely nothing in my own room, except from lying on my bed and listening to music on my headphones. Whatever I tried, it never helped and it still doesn't; it seems to be an impossible task, being in my room. The attempts become more desperate, more sad, more destructive. The work is about failing.

To me, being able to be present in my room stood for my recovery from this abuse. That recovery seems like something I will never really achieve.

The work is not meant to represent a literal room, more so, it is meant to be some kind of "mental" room containing all the essential elements of my memories. The room is build out of doors in which drawings are scratched. Scratching has something desperate to it, violent but subtle. To me, it is a sad gesture, trying to be triumphant and aggressivly claiming presence, but not really succeeding to do so. 

In the room there is a carpet, lamp and an old tv. These are all objects that are key visuals of my memories (objects to escape in).


Installation Overview